I will just write a quick note today about my current writing block. Today was 38 degrees (celsius) outside, a mild 30 degrees inside thanks to my old AC, and I wasn’t capable to get anything ‘done’ as I wanted. I guess I’m in this phase of fighting against myself, or struggling against myself — there’s always such phase anytime I’m getting ‘closer’ to the gist of what I want to do — there’s a fleeing response at some point, I’m suddenly thinking about things like ‘but what if it’s just boring? What if I turned this into a sci-fi game instead? Oh I have this super cool idea for a different project now, too bad I need to complete this one first. Damn it’s too hot, I don’t want to work anymore, what am I doing, hello kitty cat let’s play, let’s do my laundry first, damn this sunburn’s killing me etc.’ Various mental and emotional and physical decoys preventing me from getting ‘there’. I’m now experienced enough to know what’s going on, that it’s gonna pass one way or another.
It is still hard to think outside the norms of ‘productivity’, even if in academia you would tend to think that you don’t need to be ‘that’ productive (because you’re not selling anything in theory). Also I’m still reading Discipline and Punish by Foucault and it’s really not helping me (in a way) to get ‘things done’ since I’m starting to have the ‘everything is a prison’ reflex about all that’s around me (including academia) and a growing sense of rebellion and rage.